all my life
primed to endure
but i’m not gonna take it any more
that’s just the way of the world
why can’t you see?
that boys will be boys
and so ever shall it be
i was always too much of something
to be worthy of love
and not enough of other things
to be worth more than a cursory shove
out of the way
step aside homogenous girl
stand with the other cattle
you don’t matter here
too chubby
too plain
too witty and sharp
a tomboy to boot
and unnaturally dark
not enough pink
and not enough frills
only thing i’d be good for’s
a couple cheap thrills
with the lights off
and on a dare
harass the poor girl
whose self worth is thread bare
beaten down by a world
where superficiality rules
with an iron fist
weilded by blunt tools
but those were just chains
that strangled and pinched
so i’m stripping them off
and saying eff you to the grinch
don’t beleive the words
of small men
who’ve devised a way
to keep you in that restrictive pen
they’ll tell you you’re ugly
though it’s untrue
they’ll fill you with lies
until you’re sad and you’re blue
until the weight of their lies
takes it’s heavy toll
you’ve eaten them up
and its swallowed you whole
all my life
primed to endure
but i’m not gonna take it any more
i no longer believe
in your false tales
i believe in myself
and i’m gonna bail
on your petty bullshit
your mental and physical abuse
your manipulative acts
so bloody obtuse
you can take your sick ichor
i’m shoving it back up your ass
– where it belongs –
with a plastic bottle
of the cheapest liquor
that’s all that anything
you ever said or you did
to keep me in my dark place
is worth – you nasty, nasty pig
in essence it’s worthless
and so the hell are you
i’ve decided to love myself
despite anything and eveything you ever did or will do
i’ve stepped out of the dark
and into the light
where positive rays
have ended my plight
when the burden is lifted
i take to new wing
i feel so fucking light
it’s all i can do not to sing
it’s bubbling up
and rising from within
you can’t keep me down
so why keep it in?
i’m singing out loud
i’m soaring above
i’m belting it out
cus i’ve found myself
and i’ve fallen in love
she’s beautiful
– i hope you see it too –
she’s beautiful
for she is me
and she is you
©2015 Kat Crimson
optional musical accompaniment: The Velvet Underground’s version of ‘I’m Beginning To See The Light’
